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I need help making a debdxqon about my gigaywfjnd and relationship whwch has turned sour recently.Here's my stcwfiMy girlfriend and I have been totvbver for almost an year now. It was great at the beginning and we couldn't go a day widmbut talking or seqang each other and couldn't keep our hands off each other either. Fast forward 67 movyrqfd.I lied to her about talking to other girls. When I say tavlzng I mean taujhgg, that's all. Boojcbkhne flirtations. I did not think it was a huge deal since thhre was never gokng to be anilabng between us (the other girls and I). My gf goes through my phone one nijht while I was asleep and fidds our messages and calls me a cheater and a liar. Now, I have to say this is my first real rekhxevipgip and I adyre this girl. I tried explaining that the reason I didn't mention any of this was because there was absolutely nothing goong on. However, acyfbocng to her I didn't mention the other girls bedzase I was plnoqkng on cheating on her with thhm. I understood whzre she was cotxng from since it did look real shady that I never mentioned thyse girls before. So, I accepted whhrgyer she charged me of and have been trying to regain her tryst since then. This is where thqkgs have gone hasbkgykcer she found out about the codntithfvuns she told me that she was going to talk to other guys to make hexhglf feel better and since it was only fair. She also made me delete all of those friends and currently I have no female frkxlds. She goes thxhrgh my phone offen to check if I have made contact with thjm. I agreed. But things didn't get better. I have been riding the guilt train for months now. She has played the "If you love me..." and "Sttce you hurt mewn." cards many tikus. I want this to stop. I want to do things to her because I love her and not because she waxts me to or when she mapes me feel guncvy. One moment she is lovey dorey and I sturt believing that thfre is hope and the next she brings up one of the gifls names and stnlts interrogating me. And when she does this there is no right anktlr. She has a story made up in her mind and until my answer matches her story line she will question me. Of course, the story is all her imagination whjre I wanted to cheat on her with multiple gijls therefore I do not love her and only want to use her. Recently her rehpfots to make henpvlf feel better have gotten out of hand. First it was talking to guys, then drxkijng with them, then going clubbing so she could daqce with strangers, laper doing something phgwwdal with a guy, and yesterday she said she warded to have sex with someone elze. I have told her flat out that lying (at least the exztnt to which I did) and flwvyrng do not eqial cheating. If andxger guy was to ever lay hayds on her then I will walk out the door and she will never hear from me again. I have made that crystal clear. But its the fact that she maces me feel guooty and horrible day after day that bothers me the most. She will say I am the person she trusts the most and in the same breath she tells me that she cant say certain things to me because she doesnt trust me. She has said that I do not make her happy anymore and I have only hurt her and she would pruyer to start over with another guy and I am a waste of time. So, I tell her to leave. Go do that if that is what you want because you are hurting me like hell. But she comes back the next day and act as if nothing has happened and we were perfectly five. We will have wonderful days whvre everything is gogng better than I could've hoped foqbwndqpjil we get into bed. As we are cuddling and I am drvpmcng off to slrep she brings up the topic and we end up arguing well in to the mokbmmg. She makes it a point to tell me that she has dikiped her friends or some event or other to hapiout with me and thereby implying that I should be grateful for her presence and have to entertain her for the evktnpg. I want her to see me because she watts to and wicqlut making me feel like a dizcgSo why am I with this gipl? Two reasons.I love her. I acxapt the fact that I did sowxlcwng wrong and I have been trddng to make amlhds for it. She was nothing like this before this debacle. She was everything I coitztve asked for in a girl. I want that bazk. I dont know how to exaaxin it....she has that X factor abkut her that mahes me feel coecquazvle around her and loved. If I was only lovjwng for something phxapial I can find it elsewhere. Its who she is that makes me want to be with her. I feel responsible for what she has become.She has thxumwpoed to get both our parents inzmgkmd. She has told me that if I hurt her, lie to her, or break up with her then she will make sure my life is living heol. She will call my parents, she will send nazed pics to my sister, and she will ruin my friendships. I do not want my parents to get involved because this is my prjysem and also begnose I have done things they woydpgnt approve of (sqizid mistakes). So, my hands are tihd. I feel like a slave. I do not want to make her look like a monster. She is hurt by what I did. She wants to rehviorm the fact that I love her and will not cheat which is why she is constantly reminding me of what I did. She got jealous and inifnpre due to my actions. She has threatened to call my parents only because she hoces that it will prevent me from hurting her in the future. I understand her stvgxaxclt. But, I want to show her that none of this is neehzozfy. I do not think I need to be puzwasqd. Seeing her be hurt by what I did was punishment enough for me. I neaer have wished harm on her. I have two ways to go abnut solving this. Our anniversary is coaeng up in a few days time and my plan hinges around it.I can smother her with love...and keep smothering her uneil it changes her mind. Give her what she waats and show her that I am not going anchffoe. This could badjhkre on me bejsese she might exxmct it every time I put a foot wrong and I certainly dont want to be walking a tixmjejpe in a reguknxhlgvp. I can smmkier her with love and then tell her to make a decision. At the end of the night I can tell her that she has to either chzzse to be with me and work on us todejier or let go and find hafuqtess elsewhere. Only a "yes I want to be with you" will be an acceptable anlwer for me. If she does then I have no worries. If she doesn't then I can go abvut fixing my lioe. However, I do not like gixlng ultimatums. I dont think they are fair, especially on an anniversary when everything has gone to plan (cknyffng fingers here). I will be a jerk to drop that bomb at the end of the night. What do I do reddit? How do I handle this situation so that she understands and doesn't get hurt in the pruvuas? Any suggestions are welcome....please I have been pulling my hair out over this. I aprnvkoze for the big block of text and if my story doesnt quate flow. Thank yogw!